&nbsp; Raychill Ellisonwonderland

Content Note: Tribute to a son; life, ability, and lived rhythm. Born on a Wednesday, at 1-to-11, What a mighty fine year—1987. Ears painted gently on a handsome-framed face, You cruise through this world at a lightning pace... Read more

On a Tuesday Red ...

Content Note: Celebratory tribute; references disability and resilience. Born on a Tuesday— red dawn as it was, three hours of striving for a lifetime of love. Courageous and caring, a staunch woman who’ll make you bask... Read more

Ever Since Minute...

I wrote 'He's Music' for my Son. This was his reply to me: It was one to Eleven as I remember vaguely, Born into light and handed to a most beautiful Lady, Long hair, Skin fair, Paua/Hazel eyes, That's when my life began, when ... Read more

Creativity

What Wasn't Said ...

Content Note: Contains references to childhood sexual abuse, trauma, and dissociation. (formerly named: The reunion 6 9 04) Sit there. Backs turned. Eyes wired shut. Disconnected from your gut. Bowels moving to the rhythm ... Read more

Cheque It Out - T...

Saturday, 16 February 2013: I picked up my cherry Doc Marten boots from the front porch, a bit worried about spiders. They’d been sitting out there for months. From the left boot, I pulled out some dead leaves—and, to my surprise... Read more

Ika Moana, Ko Te ...

Content Note: Journey, companionship, endurance, and reverence. Ko Te Tohorā with a call like a Kuia, her wail commenced our ride. Gently bathed by the mighties— Marama and Matariki— our path lay clear and bright. Ko Te... Read more

Bye-Ode: A Note t...

Content Note: Meta reflection. A space online that will, with time, hold mostly thoughts and odes of mine. Some, with ease, may not be pleased. Some will wonder what spell I'm under— to think such things and say out loud w... Read more

Steady for ya

The world's not ready for ya, I'll make it steady for ya. just keep your smile and your style cause your beautiful. The world's not ready for ya, I'll keep it steady for ya. just keep your smile and your style. Born with gen... Read more

Ko wai ra Who

Ko wai ra hei awhina ki a matou nei (who helped us) I runga i te huarahi a o tatou Tipuna (on the path of our ancestors) Kei a matou te raruraru (through worries) kei a matou pouritanga (through sadness) kei a koe to matou aroha a... Read more

Ever Since Minute...

Ever Since Minute One 1 to 11, I came into light, Straight to your arms, the first thing I saw. Paua-hazel eyes cut clean through the room, That’s where my life really started at all. Soft hands holding, just you and me, Wor... Read more

Steady for Ya - L...

Content Note: Affirmation and protection. The world’s not ready for ya— I'll make it steady for ya. Just keep your smile and your style, ’Cause you're beautiful. The world’s not ready for ya— I'll keep it steady fo... Read more

Remember To Breat...

Content Note: Emotional manipulation, intimate partner violence, survival. Strings played on the heart last night, and the voice on the phone made me really want to believe. Well-practiced verses, hooks oiled and sharp— he... Read more

Youve Arrived

You’ve Arrived You arrived like weather No warning, no apology Just here And suddenly the room Had more future in it They call some children planned You were meant You carry whole maps in your veins Māori earth, Samoan oce... Read more

Dear Tania Anne -...

Dear Tania Anne (Tribute to a True Friend) Content Note: Grief, sudden loss, friendship, and mortality. I woke up a tad early and couldn’t get back to sleep—whuk sakes! You know I think of the weirdest things sometimes, so ge... Read more

Impostor Freeze

Hi all. Thanks for taking a stroll around my page. You will notice that all apostrophes have been replaced with weird symbols like this: ‘Theyâ€™re’. I’m working to replace the impostors and have emailed our awesom... Read more

Nothing Special

I don’t know much of nothing; I don’t know how you feel, and I don’t want to either. We’re nothing special. You spent nearly 40 years with your kid. And he’s just tragically died alone. All the breathless choking, rising ye... Read more

dnt 4gt 2 rmemba ...

Smurf! You had the smallest most focused dark black eyes. I liked watching you hone in and focus on ‘life’. I also thought you had a pointy chin and I knew that whatever your eyes didn’t quite ‘catch’ would be caught by you... Read more

Content Note: Public scrutiny, caregiving, and assumption. Night. Out on my porch. The orange glow from the streetlights Flickers through a deep blue hue. Looking down, I catch myself fiddling— Winding the ties of a recycl... Read more

Art of Deception ...

People may glance at this and might think of polka dots, favourite colours or lolly pops. Most won't recognise it, only a few will be familiar with it, even less will really feel it. This is a secret public confession, a plea for ... Read more

There's

Content Note: Emotional isolation, caregiving, and invisibility. There’s a woman in my lounge that I love deeply. In my lounge is a woman of my womb— but she makes my world, and somehow, she gave birth to me. In my wo... Read more

Retake Care of You

Content Note: Parental regret, accountability, and emotional harm Son, Something’s gnawing from the north, I feel it pierce my skin. I hear growling from the south, it’s blood-related, akin. Something’s brewing from th... Read more

Blind, Mans Bluff

Blind Man’s Bluff Content Note: Themes of emotional distance and disconnection in relationships. Don’t need bars to be locked inside you. Don’t see the stars we reached for too. Shadows are made in sunshine and light— y... Read more

On Life's rhythm

On life's rhythm me thinks, tis not the notes that make my music, tis the pauses in between. Read more

Ode to the Little...

Content Note: Affectionate tribute to motherhood. A mother’s work is never done— it comes with heartache, pain, joy, and fun. But if your mum is much like mine, she’ll keep on loving, till the end of time. She’ll te... Read more

Bye-Ode

A space online that will, with time, hold mostly thoughts and odes of mine. Some with ease, may not be pleased Some will wonder, what spell I'm under To think such things and say out-loud What some may think Most don't allow.... Read more

100th Debut

Content Note: Brief references to emotional turmoil and repeated trauma. Ars*hole’s dug deep. Again. Screaming at a blank brick— wall comes up. Again. Tears into torrents, internal flow twisted, churned inside out. ... Read more

On Seizure

On Seizure Content Note: Witnessing recurrent seizures; caregiving, management, public scrutiny, and embodied knowing. How can I handle watching this most precious body and soul tick with life— threatened every hour of every ... Read more

Remember To Breat...

Strings played on the heart last night, and the voice on the phone made me really want to believe. Well-practiced verses, hooks oiled and sharp— here comes the chorus: Come back to me, please. Like a ball on the playgro... Read more

There is who?

I'm up, you're up who? Knock Knock Knock, give me a clue! Who is where? You're a poo? No, you're up! Yes I'm up too. Read more

Side Steps Tomorr...

Content Note: Caregiving exhaustion, loss of autonomy, silenced distress, and suicidal ideation. It’s not really fair for the one who stays— living in fear of defeat, whose choices are swept away by another’s single choic... Read more

Standard Dump

I don't want your standard man; don't dump your standards on me. You want your standard man? It's got nothing to do with me. You and your standard man got nothing on me, even though you think you are, I'm the one that's free. Yes ... Read more

A Loan, Alone

Content Note: Coercion, exploitation, illicit exchange, and survival under threat. Leave me a loan, So I can keep spending time— Endlessly paying for consequences. Hand me the shrapnel from your pockets. Then, like a bull... Read more

LieF

So, I'm slouching before my noisy heated up laptop, randomly dropping in on waves made by others surfing the 4G. Then in my head, from out of nowhere, I ask my-selves; Why is it that the word 'Life', starts with the same sound ... Read more

Memorial tribute ...

Memorial tribute to my pup Cale 17 October 2014 to 5 June 2015 The scar that's cut inside of me, sucks the living life from me. Just one more moment spent with you, that's all I'm living for. I know that it can never be, but ho... Read more

Chopsueycide, a r...

Content Note: Harmful responses to vulnerability; suicidal ideation; metaphorical violence. This piece may be distressing for readers with lived experience of mental health crisis or suicide. Chopsueycide— they’re gathering ... Read more

T1BAY- cryptic bu...