Retake Care of You

Content Note: Parental regret, accountability, and emotional harm

Son,
Something’s gnawing from the north,
I feel it pierce my skin.
I hear growling from the south,
it’s blood-related, akin.

Something’s brewing from the west side,
I have no place now left to hide.
Something’s rising from the east side,
I need to fix my whittled pride.
I need to prove I’m better.

Son, I say this now—
tomorrow, I could die.
To bring you up proper,
I really, really tried.

My scornful, scathing selfishness
left its mark—you wear the toll.
Your loving, trusting moon-lit eyes
were petrified.
Such a sickening goal.

Defenceless to a crack,
when playing you were only.
I lower my eyes in shame,
I made you think so lonely.

Son—
young and stupid,
I stole that claim.
All the while,
you used humour
to soften your pain.

My twisted ways of motherhoodlum
held you up—
and still make you pay.
So much that only you will know,
only you will never say.

Son,
I am sorry.
So sorrowful.

I search
to retake care of you.
I yearn for your belief in me.
I need you to know—

Son,
I long
to retake care of you.

You know my love
can cut through bone.

Son,
please be there
on your best side.
I need to be there
beside
you.

Tags: deep, pain,