Blacked out.

i told you i'm impatient, i get easily bored, sometimes i just want someone to grab me and look into my eyes and just explain what normal is, i do things twice, if not, three times, if not four, i brush my teeth over and over because it feels right, i get it over and over in my mind that i have to repeat, repeat, repeat, do you know how horrible it is having to step back from reality when you get close to someone incase theyll love you less? how you have to back up from being the mental person you really are, its horrible, i cant explain even if i repeat it over and over, it just goes over in my mind every single second even though im speakng about it right now, i dont like it when someoe kisses me with lipstick on, i feel as tho when they do that, the mark is upon me, like i'm their territory and i dont want to put someone under that, i dont want to feel as though their mine when they arent, everything that happens to me, it gets more intense by the minute, you can expain over and over to someone who you are but ''normal'' people wouldnt need us to explain if they understood us, you wouldnt believe how many people ive met who have told me they know exactly who i am and what ive been through, no, dont play that game with me, god forbid, please don't, for the sake of myself and your precious self, don't put yourself under that, i beg you. i have days where i over think and then i over-over think, when i get close to someone i think about who else has touched them and who else theyve shared their ''love'' and ''emotions'' with and itll totally put me off, see, ive never been the one to share ''emotions'' so i dont have the problem of someone being like me because i havent been shared, i cant be touched the way theyve touched someone or the way someoe has touched them, i cant handle that, please do not get involved not knowing what youre actually in for.

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