Interruption

      Staring at the yellow rectangles on the laptop. Mindlessly doing the tasks to turn them green. I hate the fact I’m currently working in a nursing home. The carpets stained, sticking to my shoes, lights yellow, dull and flickering. My mind wanders to my happy place. A registered nurse, no husband and just me and my boys. I’m there for a while. Why did I let him make another life choice for me. I snap out my mind, don’t want my yellow rectangles to turn red. I finish the shift duties in record time, chart the events of the day and twirl in my chair waiting for eleven to go home. 

     It’s after eleven I am waiting in the parking lot for that beat up black truck to take me home. My mind drifts off again. Happiness, that’s all I want. Why has life been so hard. I deserve to be happy. My thoughts interrupted by the thumping of the same song he keeps on repeat. I go to open the passenger door to see him hop out and round the front of the truck. Not for a kiss or a hug, but so I can drive home. I tiredly climb in the driver’s side, turn the music off and begin my drive. I attempt to speak to him, and as soon as my mouth opens, I get the hear about his entire day. I listen, annoyed as usual. I try again to talk only to be interrupted again so he can talk about his other partner and their troubles today. Why am I still putting up with this. I really made a nice choice in whom I married. Glad mom and dad aren’t here to see it. Finally, we pull up to the house. I rush inside. 

     My peace for the day, a hot shower. I am so tired. The water pounds against my back, stinging as it hits. The bathroom quickly steams up. Time to go back to my daydream. Nice house, no school, working three days a week. It’s so close. I am almost free from my mess. I wonder if – The bathroom door opens and my thoughts rudely interrupted. Word vomit dissipates my steamy peace. 

     “I just need you to talk to the detective. If you can tell him that nothing ever happened, that it was all a mistake, our emotions were high, I never hit you, just that is all.”

     “I do not want to lie about all of that, they will know I am lying. I am not good at lying, and you are going to go to jail, then what?” I feel my body grow hotter than the water. I hate him. I hate myself for being married to him. Lie about all the times he has hurt me? To a detective? No way. 

     He opens the shower curtain; a gust of cold air hits me. I’m fuming. He is staring right at me. Eyes wide, begging for a yes. I hate that face. Not because I want to give in, but because its pathetic. His shirt is getting wet by the water, adding to the dramatics. He then says his most famous line, “Why can’t you let go of the past?” I grab a towel, storm out the bathroom into the bedroom. Of course he follows, still pleading behind me. I reach for a shirt to put on and I grab a shirt that my nephew gave. M-A-C-U on the front in those cute university letters. I pull it over my head and turn around to see him right in front of me. Let’s finish this discussion before I get no sleep for work tomorrow. 

     “I said no. I am not going to talk to them. If you didn’t do what you did, we wouldn’t have this problem.” 

     “You don’t care about me, you only want to finish your school and have your career and fuck everyone else.”

     “Uhh no, I don’t want to lie.”

     “What do you want me to do, turn myself in would that make you feel better, if I just turned myself in.”

      “I am tired of having this same conversation. I said no, and I mean it. I am not talking to anyone. I am so tired of you, I can’t sit here and act like nothing happened.” My blood is boiling now. I hate him. I hate him. 

     “Do you not want to be with me anymore is that it? Who are you fucking?”

     “What the fuck? You are the one with someone else, the entire five years you had had someone else and whoever the fuck else!” I hate him, why does he always get me to this point. I just want to go to sleep. It’s been such a long day. I’m done arguing. I walk towards the bed and he steps in my way. 

     “There is someone else isn’t there?”

     “I am done fighting, please move. This is dumb.” 

     “You are gonna fucking tell me.”

     I try to step around him to get to bed. That’s when he grabs my arm and pulls me into him. “Stop, that hurt.” His grip tightens. “You aren’t going anywhere. I try to get out of his grasp, “I really don’t want to fight please stop, I have to work tomorrow I am tired.” He pulls me onto his lap in the bed; I try to get away. He is too strong. I don’t want to wake the kids up, I must be quiet. I quickly jerk, which leads me into a head lock. He says, “You know I love you.” I raise my voice “That fucking hurt, let go of me now!” His hand covers my mouth, I taste blood. Great my lip is busted. Hope there aren’t any visible marks. Would it be easier to die? He just killed me, I would be free, guilt free. I lay there. His hot breath in my ear telling me sweet nothings. I hate him. 

 

Tags: Pain, Sad,