Why do I continue?

My life... It often feels like a tumult of anger and morbid depression. Mixed with some high moments of intellectuality and stirring creativity. Being a natural insomniac who suffers from depression and chronic migraines, I have become accustomed to pain. I've lived abroad, seen and done many things, loved and been loved, lied and been lied to... My only solace is my writing, bibliophilia, and music.
My mind is my rock. I have no God, no holdings, no faith in anything save reason. This being said, my peers as of now are religiously inclined, and I fear expression. I have become highly introverted, and as a result, I obsess over things in my personal life, like certain concepts, music groups, books, historical topics, et cetera... Until I become dulled to them in the extreme.
My favorite subject... My love life, is next. I've faced many upsets in this area, and I blame myself for that. I'm far too critical of others to become emotionally available to them, and by extension, romantic. I have become highly lonely because of this, and this depresses me further. If I could describe my love life eloquently, I would say it is a hungry beggar who won't accept anything but the finest caviar. If I could change, I would...
All this to say that I continue living not because it is enjoyable, but because it is an obligation, to me and to everyone else. If I fail it will be because it was inevitable with a Prince's odds. Not because I simply gave up. When I die and am ultimately forgotten, however long that may take, I will ride out upon Zeus's Lightning Bolt, and every one of my fellow Greeks will don my shield with pride because I lived instead of died. When my last breath is drawn, it will be filled with contentment because it ended a life well spent. Validus Mortem.

Tags: inspirational, deep, encouraging, dark,