To My Future
I remember, it was only yesterday.
When I saw middle aged toddlers
One a narcissist the other on the devil’s highway.
The anger of swaddlers,
Wreckless DNA.
Anger is red
Jealousy is green
I am dirt,
The rainbow of bloodshed
Hands unclean
At Least I am inert
Clean pristine,
Skin olive green,
I am corrupted by the mean.
I am scared of what I may become
Surrounded by opportunities of a large sum,
I will not cave to see me ruled by income.
I will not scramble on the floors of my father
I will not smash a face without bother
I will not see my child in tears for my actions
I will not allow my family split into factions
Trust me when I say
Your car is safe
I will not smash it with a bottle of Moёt.
I will not let my child be a waif.
If you see me with a foot or fist,
I have failed. I see no reason to exist.
I will beg and barter to survive
But the day you see me red in a four-wheel drive.
Take me, take all that I have and all that I love
I will deserve nothing from you or above.
I would deserve to be alone
And if I raised you right you would disown
Me, make me know I failed
And I don't care how detailed
If I become what I hate
A life you should negate
I wish for your detest
I would deserve to feel obsessed, distressed, depressed
And forgotten.
Leave me gutted and rotten.
I never wish to see that day
But if I become my families cliché
I cannot imagine what I would become
I cannot heave my heart beyond tongue
I will love and I hope you know that
I don't know where I’ll be at
But I would go to the ends of the Earth for you
And back. But for now I bid you adieu,
I think best we not meet
I wish not to corrupt you by inherit deceit.
But you will live in my mind,
You will always be chubby-cheeked, perfect, kind
And devine. In my mind I dedicate a shrine.
Something so perfect will be hard to design.
I wish I could sing you a lullaby
I wish you were always nearby
I am young, I am immature
But you exist in my mind, a work of coutore.
You are a model faultless, flawless and absolute.
A fact, I cannot allow myself to dilute.
I cannot create you because I am broken,
I cannot be right to allow you to feel as I do, heartbroken.
I have to leave our talks forever unspoken
I want to see you learn your abc
It's not you, it's me
I love you and I hope you agree
But you do not deserve to be.
