Question of Silence
The concept of being a woman was never lost.
Instead it seems to have crawled and tried to die somewhere inside me.
Hiding from the daylight and the sight of things,
I never wanted to see,
At that place.
Still and stark in its intrusion, a shadow murders my spotlight,
Inters me in darkness.
I only see glimmers around the side and try to slide to illuminate my mind,
I'm terrified, that I’ll go blind.
I'm not scared of myself, or who I could be,
But of that thing,
Standing directly in front of me.
Poisonous. Its seeps from wounds; the disease of cruelty.
It's too near,
My scream wont get clear,
The walls have sucked the only air in.
Nothing.
I thought I’d had it right, after the last plight,
I learned how to fight with my mind and my life,
Dragging myself over hot coals,
Scraping the stained red depths of my soul.
Light being my goal.
After a feat so high, I stood firmly in my place,
Ready to embrace being a Woman,
Without a man,
Feeling that I can,
Do,
Be,
Feel,
Accomplish, anything.
But there was a huff and puff and it let itself in.
This shadow, with a grown man encased in.
Outstretched fingers through the chains of my choosing,
Is the touch of a familiar stone.
The pillars of who I am.
I know its there.
How much is intact?
Why is there SILENCE enshrouding this attack?
Knowing how far I'd climbed just to have my teeth bent,
cracked,
removed by boots.
I cant spit fast enough to get it out,
I can’t, I can’t see.
How can anyone help me.
A string is attached to my spine,
Cement poured into my skin,
Slowly being turned, tighter, being tuned in.
Or snapped.
The questions’ note is higher than I can take.
I don’t want to, please, don’t break.
Higher shrill is the note,
No wisdom to heed.
It's impossible to get past,
This dark imploding absence; there is an answer I need.
I feel the word screaming with the tone,
Steaming, leaving me ragged,
Retched,
Not a woman,
Not a man,
Barely even half, of what I know I am.
Mist engulfs it,
I have no effort, no try.
Mist engulfs me, as I whisper again:
'WHY?'
