The Person In The Mirror

To the person I see in the mirror,
Only I don't just see you in the mirror, do I? 
I see you in pictures and in videos, 
in the shadows on the street, 
in every single reflection of myself from any medium. 
But I also hear you, too. 
I hear you when I eat, 
I hear you when I dress, 
I hear you when I bathe. 
You laugh at me, 
you curse at me, 
you ridicule me. 
You make me feel ugly.
And I hate it. 

When I eat I hear you in the back of my mind
'What the fuck are you doing, you fucking fat cow?' 
I don't like eating because of you. And when I eat something and enjoy it, 
you ruin it with one word. 
Why? 
Why do you make me feel so insignificant in comparison to others? 
Why do you only let me feel pretty when I look skinny? 
Why do you only let me look skinny in a select few clothes? 
Why do you make me like it when someone wolf whistles at me, 
when someone honks their horn, when someone walks past me and looks at me for longer than socially acceptable? 
Why do you make me hate myself so much that I physically cannot bear to look at myself for any prolonged period of time? 
This is MY body. 
It isn't yours. 
It's mine. 
And I want to like it, 
I really, really do. 
So, 
I'm asking you nicely, 
please let me at least be able to tolerate how I look on a normal day. 
Please stop terrorising me day and night.
Please stop telling me that I'll be alone forever 
because no one could bear to look at me, 
let alone love me. 
Please stop making me feel as though I never am, 
and never will be, 
good enough. 
Please let me be happy being who I am. 

Yours,
Someone trying 
desperately
to fix herself so I can help others.

Tags: sad, anger, deep, hope,