My Mom's Goodbye

My mother suffered from dementia in the last few years of her life. When we realize, that the end of life, may be approaching, other thoughts and feelings arise.

My mother held on for a long period. Dying, thus prolonged, can become more a time of suffering, than of living. Letting go, gets mixed up in our minds, with a person wanting to die. Although, these are really separate situations. There are various reasons a person may want to die; reasons quite separate from rational thinking. What is really best for the one who is dying, and for the others around? Given that death is unavoidable, what is the kindest thing to do? It might be holding on. It might be letting go.

When my mother ultimately succumbed to the disease. It's a common belief that when someone you love, dies from a long-term illness, you're prepared for it. After my mother's death, I was in a complete blur. She was dead, and I'd never get another chance to talk to her. That was it. But, a few days after allowing myself, the raw emotions of grief; I started to replay some memories of our time on earth together. As I consciously, and continually strive to live a life that's not filled with regret and settling; I find myself leaning on life lessons- I've learned, to embrace in personal reflections of my mother.

My 'goodbye letter' I read at her wake in front of family and all her dear friends:

I just thought I'd say
I love you and goodbye
I just want to remember you
As a beautiful shining star
I will miss you dearly
I will never forget our talks
Conversations on the phone
How happy you were to see me
When I finally came back home
As I sit here and wonder 
How things would have turned out
Not to have been part of your life 
Was there ever a doubt
I would see you again 
Just didn't know when
I know we had our ups and downs
But still nothing tore us apart
You said you worried so much about me
I worried about you too
I know that was the hardest thing back then
That we both ever had to do
I know you always loved me 
No one needs to show me
I will always know
You were my guardian angel
Mom when I was a little boy
Sitting on your lap
Whispering your words of wisdom
To use as I get older
You know what Mom
I never thought I'd lose you
Where I'll go from here
I still haven't got a clue
I hope you'll watch over me
Be my guiding light
Giving me the strength I need
I don't want to say goodbye
But we'll meet again someday
You and I will pick up where we left off
During our happy time
Now you'll be dancing with the angels
As always
I love you, Mom

© daniel miltz

 

Tags: Inspirational, Faith, Love, Sad, Happy,