there's still a scream stuck in my throat
poem by:
Ikaros
Written
on Nov 30, 2019
there’s a scream stuck in my throat
lives behind the picket fence
of my gritted teeth
(I’ve always breathed through it
drowned ever since)
and the scream
like a poltergeist
destroys everything that
haunts it that it haunts
it’s waiting to take over
like the monster from my nightmares
(kills me in:
our yard the dark empty living room
the roadsides that forest nearby
it greets me in the kindergarten too
and nobody else hides)
bares its maw burning abysmal
(not with rage but with
the heavy unease of a barrage
falling on the lowest piano keys
the sharpest alarm
of plates and glasses and voices
shattering flying far)
hurts
hurts and screams the wolf
like a child
(a difficult one no way around it yet
“look the potential leaks with
every page read song stuttered perfectly mirrors two portraits in one downfall and isn’t it
a fucking funny anecdote
how this is going to end us allâ€)
shrieks screeches chokes on tears
louder than fear it grows shriller as you near
screams
(I forgot the reason
my name if you ever gave such
but our anger
our anger is all we have left so it is ours and it os us)
stops barely to breathe
never to swim always to fall
as there’s too much and too little to feel
to get out to calm
(asleep I rush in the invisible tar
stay still yet still run
as to stay still there
is to lose it all
myself the war the last trench rot
soft pedal stuck down on
all calls of help
but to stop is as good as to not
so under the bed in a dusty ball
I run with my tears and I yelp)
never to surrender
or surrenders only when
there’s no door to hit with its
jagged little fists
(became an enemy territory when
the barricade made of this small shivering stubborn bag of bones
a desk and my red plastic armchair
gave way in
caved)
no trusty dear book to tear to bits
as all suddenly lie scattered sad and judging broken apart
(who could’ve done them so wrong
I used to bawl
though I knew just a sob ago
I chose every and each one to maul)
and its vocal cords break too hard
only then
can it sink back
shrink itself to fit my raw rickety heart
but the scream
the scream has my lungs guts
and arms
firm grip
no mind all harm
still eats the sheep
hogs my blanket
dreams of dread with open eyes
feeds on restless sleep
falls off the cliff only to return
like a villain dies
