This Klutz For Hire

I’ve picked it up a hundred times
Yet dropped it just once more
So I give up, the blasted thing
Can lay there on the floor

And stepping out onto the porch
I hit the ice and slipped
As I walked back into the house
I stubbed my toe and tripped

While dancing round in pain
I then collided with a table
When it comes to graceful moves
I’m really quite unable

Perhaps there is a simple way
To turn this all around
My clumsiness could work for me
Each time I hit the ground

I could be a klutz for hire
Stumbling for cash
I’ll charge my clients by the slip
The flip, the flop, the bash

If you need something dropped and broken
Clearly I’m your man
If anyone can smash your stuff
This klutz for hire can

Perhaps you have a wall or door
That needs a good hard thump
Just be aware my going rate
Is seven bucks per lump

I could knock your sister down
Or trip into your aunt
Or I can make a great big mess
And kick your potted plant

And if your pets are underfoot
And adding to the drama
I’ll have to charge you extra
If I suffer blunt force trauma

There’s nothing quite as comical
It is a sight to see
As goldfish bouncing on the floor
It is my specialty

And when I fall I scream out loud
To add to the effect
I’ll see you get your money’s worth
When your whole house is wrecked

So call my number any time
My estimates are free
It’s 1-800-S T U-
M B L and E


© Mike Wise
1/30/19

Tags: Rhyme, Humor, Happy,