Broken Pieces

In the beginning, his love was perfect. The words he spoke were as beautiful as a freshly bloomed rose, covered in dew under the morning sun. I felt absolutely wonderful. His words shook every broken piece back into their places they were once before the pain. They fit so snug, almost as if I had never been broken in the first place. Though, with that much perfection comes a price. Perfection is nothing but a manipulative, narcissistic lie. The pieces I was so sure had been fixed for good, they began to crumble away once again. This time, they began to shatter inside me. For every word and action he threw against my fragile body, they cut deeper and deeper within me. I began to choke on my blood and tears. The only thing he could possibly worry about, however, was if he could manage to squeeze his hands tighter as they grasped my neck. People wondered why I allowed this for myself. Why couldn’t I just see that I deserved better? The sounds of their voices begging me to see the damage he was causing echoed in my ears every night as I laid and watched the monster sleep. This was the only calm state he was ever part of. I just wanted to ask them…How would they see the blood dripping from their own mouths when someone is forcing “I love you’s” from their throats? How did they expect me to see the blood at all when I hadn’t even realized I was bleeding yet? His violent touch and cold words soon became all I ever wanted. They soon even became all I felt was necessary for me to feel complete, as I began to see only what he told me I was; I was content with being only who he thought I deserved to be…because he was all I saw as right in the world. I was permanently strangled in the noose he had wrapped around his wrist at all times, as if it were my leash. I became something and someone I never thought I could be. My eyes were blackened, not only from bruises but from the rage I held inside against myself as I knew I would never be good enough for him to continue to stay. My wrists wrapped in blue bracelets, and my neck with a matching necklace… I wore that noose around my neck until the final moment he had control. I was enraged with myself for making him leave. I was not good enough for the man who owned me, therefore I was not good enough at all. His noose choked tighter with every step he took as he left. I felt my last breaths escape from my throat, and I died while still under his control. Even in my death, he was still all my mind pleaded for. The life I had before him was never enough, because a life without his orders no longer seemed possible. My body began to rot, harvesting a stench so strong that it tore away the only things I loved in my life. The only reasons I had to live had vanished in front of me, and I was left to bleed out in the darkness of what once was. He swore what he had done was gorgeous until the very moment he walked away forever. With every open hand he forced my way, my body gave up more and more. Not only was my body broken now, but my soul had shattered underneath, and when he left so did my mind. I began to decay rapidly as the time went on. Lying in bits and pieces, I tried to scrape up what remained of the persona he created for me. I no longer knew the identity before, and I was losing knowledge of my life even had existed in the first place. My bruised eyes could no longer shed tears. His maniacal laughter echoed in my head until I finally met with death. The first few moments without him left me in a state of psychosis and confusion. With him no longer guiding my every decision and opinion, I had lost touch of what I even was. I was just a vessel in a void of things I couldn’t understand. My chest caved in with regret as I began to realize what I had become. My heart let out it’s final pulse as the life from this damaged body was taken to rest. And in that rest, there was a light so bright that I swore I was seeing heaven. It was only the beginning to an incredible dream. The dream was indeed the new reality my life was going to grasp onto. I was dangerously reborn, alive and overflowing with the strongest will to live I had ever had. I was no longer asphyxiating on my own blood. My chest, full of air and life for the first time in what seemed forever. I was now choking with life, love, and a newfound sense of hope. I had rediscovered the beauty of who I was before. My emotions returned into what I could all feel inside, and I showered my cheeks with tears of happiness for the first time in my brand new life. I felt the burning life I had lost for so long returning slowly into my broken body, sealing every crack and wound with the healing armor of a woman who was finally free. I was beautiful again… No longer black and blue, but a gorgeous, incredibly dazzling rainbow made from only the work of the darkest storms. My life was back in my own hands. This time, though…the world around me glowed like magic had blessed it all. I healed more and more as time passed on. I never realized how beautiful everything I was refusing to see had been all this time, and how I had managed to miss the most incredible views known to man. I have now learned to never trust a man who even thinks he has the power to shake my broken pieces so perfectly, for a man who doesn’t have to fight to heal my wounds will only create more out of selfish boredom. I am now aware that i must truly be the one to fix myself, and am the only one capable of doing the job in a way it will never require repair. In the end, he slipped his way into the farthest parts of my memory stayed there, all alone. Just as he had left me alone to die, his memory now does the same in my mind. Life becomes more and more gorgeous each day he stays gone. Soon enough, I’ll be living in heaven, and now I know I don’t deserve any less than exactly heaven itself.

 

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