Sleeping

Breathing is hard
I dont want to live
I dont want to die
I dont want to go to the hospital
I dont want this life
I dont want this pain
I want it to be over
I want it to shut up
I want to sleep

No, i dont want to sleep. I want to be dead
But sleep is the closest thing to death i can get myself

because I dont want to die...
I just want to be love
and the lack there of makes me want to leave
makes me wish i was never born

So i sleep. 
I sleep most hours...
I know i need to eat
I know i need to brush my teeth
and shower
and get dressed

But fuck it
Whats the goddamn point? 

My mental illness has no treatment...

I take that back...

my mental illness is a personality disorder
so no one wants to deal with it
and i have no energy to fix it

So i sleep

and maybe thats what everyone wants me to do anyways.
Because when i am sleeping, they know they wont find me dead
they wont find me crying
they wont find me as empty as can be

they will just find me sleeping

I sleep because i am alone, but i am alone because i sleep, and i am done talking to people about this shit because i keep feeling like they start to hate me more
so I feel more unloved

I want someone to care for me, and hug me and feed me icecream...but why would they?
Why would they care
no one cares
i dont care

my bed cares

...

or so i pretend....

Tags: Sad, Depressing, Confused, Scary, Pain, Dark, Imagery, Abstract, Fear, Weird, Deep,