I'm twenty three and just back from their war With no idea what I've been fighting for. I've not been myself since I got back Trying to live within a panic attack. I know one thing for sure, that my family Always have, and always will love me, And I know that they can see that I Have become a totally different guy To the happy young man I used to be Before I saw the things I came to see, But no matter what they do or say I still look with dread on each new day Since my best mate died in Afghanistan Blown to bits by the Taliban. "Bad luck" they said that he had to die. I've never let anyone see me cry, That isn't how a soldier behaves No matter how many go to early graves. So now here I stand, mentally torn Wishing that I had never been born Into this cruel, unthinking world Where every time the flags are unfurled, The politicians spout more lies which we swallow Then we flock together as we follow These Judas goats who lead the sheep To slaughter and everlasting sleep. Inside I feel I have reached the stage Where the fires of hurt have begun to rage Against what is left in me to fight the pain Do I want to face this all again? Another day with my best mate gone Do I really want to linger on Asking every time I awake Why was it him not me they had to take? I just feel I can no longer cope Does the answer lie in this length of rope? Tom Higgins 16/08/2013