One of the reasons why

I keep searching and searching 
Still left with nothing 
Yet I have everything 
Can it get more confusing ?
Wait, I'll try to explain
But do you know ?
How tiring it to explain something 
You don't even know.
Oh wait,Guess I was born miserable 
Or maybe I have painted it blue with my owm hands.
Depicting sky scraping boundaries
With no stairs to lead.
God knows I tired, tried so hard to climb 
Even with my broken limbs,
And everytime I stretched my limbs 
It got tangled in a mesh of nothingness.
The mirage smashed to smithereens.

 at this time, that Unrealistic hope was more real than ever.
Moving further back,Fading into the deep.
Leaving me on ground zero.
Detemined to catch I swam across the 7 seas.
Blinded by rapacity , I didn't see the dead end
Only This time I gifted myself to the gravity. 
As I  fall freely from the cliff so high above 
I closed my eyes as I called for one I fear the most
I prayed abd prayed for the inescapable faith shared by all known as death.
 like akways ,my prayers remain unheard.
Despite that how can I not remember?
It was i who was holding the brush...
Changing canvases, one after another.
For all I know, I'm a sinner 
And I shouldn't be alive  
Yet I'm more human than ever.
Playing a part that was unasked for.
Now my soul is stained black from all the blood that it bleed.
There's nothing left of me.
Stop! I say bending on my knee
I know, I'm in the wrong, but can't you see?
Everthings too much to endure 
And living is the utmost punishment for a sinner like me.
Dear lord will you ever set me free ?

Tags: Fear, Hate, Dark, Pain, Confused, Anger, Weird,