Normal- Slam Poem- ED TRIGGERS

Two years ago.
Twelve years old
Lonely as hell
Being the outcast.

I fell into a disorder that
Wasn’t a disorder, maybe
You’d call it ‘subclinical’ or
A stepping stone to a real
Illness. 

The breaking, rusting words
Of 'I have an eating disorder'
Were one kilogram away.

I told two teachers about what
I was going through.

One of the teachers suggested,
Helpfully, that I just ‘stop having
An eating disorder’.

The other teacher who was my best friend too
Shared the same mind as myself and he
Praised me for reading parenting books 
In the school library.

But even he said ‘Let’s face it, you’re
Hardly skin and bone.’ 

He told me exactly
What I knew, I wasn’t thin so
I wasn’t sick.

And the thing about thin is
That I thought it was a synonym for
Good, which meant I wasn’t good 
Enough for a mental illness.

My family was scared,
Jokes and laughter turned into
Barging in on me in the shower,
My mother cited ‘parental concern’
But parents weren’t like that for me
Before. 

I was burning this body with stomach acid.

This was their child ruining themselves, despite
Everything they did I still wished I could burn
A more painful orange to mirror how I felt.

And my parents had to be strong because
You can't extinguish a flame with a drop of water
Or remove rust with a delicate touch of your fingertips.

Despite not being covered in rust
My corrosion had begun but those
Teachers saw my first blood red dots
And just said I was normal.

One time,
I got busted from
My old teacher, the
First I ever had.

She heard me vomiting and I had to 
Tell her that it wasn’t as innocent or
Familiar as a stomach bug.

Because they have to send you home
If you’re sick enough to be vomiting,
But I wasn’t sick enough.

After all, I was still normal.

Tags: Imagery, Pain, Sad,