Cycles
poem by:
Jim Kilduff
Written
on Oct 05, 2017
Intake of detergent I need it now it's urgent Give me lavender a big supply I'm complex so oversimplify. Have I told you I'm complex See my insides are convex I get vexed easily Like a raging army of clouds So hastily Don't push my buttons There's many, dozens. I also have a vast amount of cycles I'm sorry I'm just old But if you give me some bold I'll be content Willing to remove all the stains of your life's mess by 60%. See I can't give 100 no not anymore I'm dizzy I've told you about my cycles Now to be recycled See I somber at the thought A whirlpool of emotions. But isn't it delightful to have a second chance The big revival... the second coming, resurrection An even healthier, more aesthetic complexion. Hmmmm maybe a Harley Davidson Street 7-5-0 So I could cycle and cycle forever ya know. Fancy a spin?
Tags: Wishful, Encouraging, Riddle, Rhyme, Humor,
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Hunter Meek commented on Oct 06, 2017 at 3:20am
Wow! There's definitely a sad side of this, but it's also amusing. Lots of lines I really like! Especially the end. I like the metaphor and the rhymes too.
Willing to remove all the stains of your life's mess by 60%
See I can't give 100 no not anymore
I'm dizzy
I've told you about my cycles
Now to be recycled
See I somber at the thought
A whirlpool of emotions
Those are my favourite lines.
Hunter Meek
commented on Oct 06, 2017 at 3:25am
Flows nicely too. And it's 100% your way of speaking, which I like. Can't think of anything bad to say, sorry! The general shape is awesome too- willing to remove all the stains of your life's mess by 60% really sticks out when looking at the shape of the poem, but if that's what you're going for, it's cool! I think omitting the word 'willing' could shorten the line but 'willing' is a nice strong word and it gives a pause. So I'm not sure. Just have a play with that, because the line is quite long.
Hunter Meek
commented on Oct 06, 2017 at 3:27am
In fact, this entire poem is so awesome I think you should publish it. I appreciate it more every time I look at it. I'd love to see it on the wall of my classroom, lol. (we have poems on the walls of our classrooms in my school, really good ones.)
Christopher Russon
commented on Nov 03, 2017 at 1:20pm
Love the humor in this poem.
Gabriela Fuentes
commented on Nov 24, 2017 at 10:47pm
You funny, nice style
Frank Hornby .
commented on Apr 06, 2018 at 3:24pm
Clever poem......
