when I was younger I was a fool and I wanted to be a fool back then I've always been good at being what I want to be for better or worse I just liked the concept of being a fool at the time arms outstretched eyes closed breathing deeply jumping in falling back blindly too reckless to look first for arms waiting on the other side and at that age I was right to want to be a fool It was fun to jump and It’s hard at that age to imagine the future even just a few seconds in the future hard to imagine there’s no one waiting there to stop you from hitting the bottom recently I ended a long adult live-in relationship she would have married me it’s still on my hands in my head at the bottom of my drinks but a little time passed and this new exciting thing happened so young old soul unreasonably attractive leaving the country soon moving on and i thought good the universe has me in its sights the retribution will be devastating and swift and i deserve it but then she jumped one night she jumped and I stood there looking down like i was watching a rerun of myself back then and I wanted to jump so badly but I guess I’m older now and the ups and downs level out over time fall into points on a line and I’m glad i didn’t jump I would have gotten my legs taken off or maybe I regret not leaping because i know I deserve to know the cold empty space where I expected her arms to be the lonely fall and hard landing I’m still such a fool in many ways I dance like a fool make terribly bad jokes that remind me of my dad like a fool write these lines to myself like a fool but i guess I’m just older now and my feet move a little slower now except when I'm dancing like a fool you know I know many people with sharp serrated sides pronounced peaks like jagged rocks cutting through white water rapids patterns of the same repeated erosion experience and i do envy them narrow specialized but well that’s not me I’m a well rounded guy and for me that's a good spot to be right now gather the clay first then trim it on the wheel